


Talk Like A Pirate Day: Nargle Style

by dragyn42



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble Collection, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2020-02-29 16:13:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18781705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragyn42/pseuds/dragyn42
Summary: A semi-serial collection of 100-word drabbles (mostly) about Harry, Ginny, and Luna helping Hermione celebrate her birthday.





	1. Swashbuckling

**Author's Note:**

> If you're unaware, (and if so, shame on you,) Hermione shares her birthday, Sept. 19, with International Talk Like a Pirate Day. That time of year often crosses over with the Jewish High Holidays, and, well... Luna is Luna.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated: PG for skimpy pirate outfits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really... Pirates!! :D

“Arrr!”

“Harry? What...” but Ginny was interrupted when Luna swung into the room on a rope. Ginny had no idea where the rope came from, much less what it was attached to.

“Avast!” yelled a leather clad Luna, her thigh-high boots, skin tight trousers and half-cut blouse leaving little to the imagination, all the while poking Ginny with a blunted foil.

“Luna? What the?!”

“ARRR!” repeated Harry. “Fufill yer duties, ye scabberous wench, or ye'll be walkin' the plank!”

“Wench?! Walking the... Oh, right,” deduced Ginny, finally. “I'll just go wish Hermione a happy birthday then, shall I?”


	2. Swashbuckling: Redux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A friend correctly determined the inspiration of Swashbucking as "Hey, It's Can(n)on!" by Tom Smith, which lead to this little followup.)
> 
> You know darn well thats what started this to begin with. But, since you asked so nicely, you get a poke with the foil, a boot to the head, and this (with acknowledgments to corvidae9, aberforths_rug, antoshevu, csi_tokyo3 and plaidphoenix)

Ginny exited the floo in Ron and Hermione's flat and sighed to herself. Sitting upon a throne-like chair, in one of the most ridiculous, frilly, poofy, strapless outfits she had ever seen, was the birthday girl herself, Hermione. Kneeling at her feet, wearing nothing but a tattered, hacked off pair of woolen pants, was her brother, Ron.

“Not you, too.”

The sound of the floo flared behind her, and a familiar poking occurred in her back as Luna yelled, “Kneel when addressing the Pirate Queen!”

Ginny turned to grab Luna's foil, only to find Harry standing next to her in black leather pants and a sleeveless, black, leather vest, hold a saber in one hand and a whip in the other. “Arrr!” he yelled.

After wiping the drool from her chin, she regained her abilities of speech and asked, “Is that the only word you know?”

“Henchmen don't be known for their wordiness,” came a new, unexpected voice.

Turning back around, she found Pansy, clad in green leathers with silver trim and a black, tri-cornered hat. “Pansy?”

“That's Captain Pansy of the Free Trader ship Slytherin, here for negotiations with the Pirate Queen to allow us access to the Free Traders Alliance, The Pride of Gryffindor!”

“Negotiations?” she inquired, fearing the answer, only to follow up with, “Damnit, Luna, stop poking me with that thing!”

“Oh aye, very... energetic negotiations,” responded Pansy, stroking Hermione's bare shoulder.

Ginny blinked at the distinct purring noise emanating from Hermione.

“Right. Happy birthday, Hermione. I'm going back to bed.” She pause just before the fireplace and called over her shoulder in a very sultry voice, “And if ya the two o' ya are wish'n to avoid Davey Jones' locker, ye'd best be follow'n me and help'n me with anything I want!”

She disappeared through the floo without even looking over her shoulder, Luna using her foil to poke Harry out of the way so that she could be the first to follow.


	3. Pirates and... Honey?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated: G

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I find myself writing crack at 2 in the morning. This year’s a threefer. Kudos to those that recognize them all :)

“Yar! L’shana Tova, maties! Yom huledet same’ach!”

“Uh, what?” Hermione was staring at her in-laws.

“Yom huledet same’ach, me buxom beauty!” crowed Luna.

“We’re sorry, Hermione,” apologized Harry.

“This was supposed to be a simple, ‘Happy birthday,’” explained Ginny.

“No, I actually understood her, I was wondering why you weren’t wearing the proper uniforms! That’s a floggin’ offence, ya scurvie bilgerats!”

Pansy appeared from the next room in green, silk pantaloons and a black, leather corset, swinging a flog.

Then Luna was behind them, poking them with a blunted foil. “An’ don’t ye be forgettin’ yer apples ‘n’ honey!”


	4. Arrrr! Tekiah!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated: G

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day late, and still a threefer. I wanted something a bit more... piratey, but Luna really wanted to... well, you'll see. And with 100 words, I didn't have much room left :P

"Arrr!" yelled the birthday girl, sitting in wait in the trio's own living room. "This year ye' not be surprising me!"

This was proven quite inaccurate as Luna produced a four foot, spiraling kudu's horn from the front of her tight, cotton trousers and blew into it. The long, piercing cry of the instrument filled the house, and would have deafened Ginny were it not for the earplugs Harry handed her.

"Happy birthday!" cried out Luna when she finally finished. "And Happy New Year, matey!"

With that, Luna grabbed her lovers and escaped back upstairs, leaving a bewildered Hermione behind.


	5. Gifts off the Bow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated: G

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I really need to explain by this point?

Opening her eyes, she sighed. She was going to have to speak to Pansy about letting her friends through the floo whenever they wanted. It was all well and good for her friends to want to help her celebrate her birthday, but this was getting ridiculous.

The very first thing she saw was the window bobbing up and down, or rather, her bed doing so; that would be Harry’s wand-work.

The crow's nest sprouting from the foot of her bed would have been Ginny.

But the cannon, floating on the water, pointed at her bed, with the fuse lit...

“Luna!”


	6. Pirates V.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated: PG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a couple years, I figure I owe you about 300 words...

They popped into a field not far from Hermione’s house.

“Why are we here again?” Harry asked.

“She turned off her floo. She put anti-apparition jinxes over her house. I want to wish her a happy birthday!”

“Dear,” said Ginny, “Have you thought that perhaps she doesn’t want us there? I think the cannons were a bit much, last time.”

“Poppycock,” responded Luna.

“Luna, she sent a Howler. You had to go over and repair the blast damage.”

“No,” said Luna, pointing out into the meadow. “A poppycock.”

In the distance, a rooster was running through a poppy field.

“That’s not...” Harry started before shaking his head.

“Let’s just get this over with,” agreed Ginny, adjusting her leather doublet. “I think I’ve grown a bit since last year.”

Harry looked at her chest and smiled.

“Later, honey,” said Ginny, eyeing his tight trousers.

The trio tromped up the road until they reached their desired location, and stopped short. The house was defended by cannons lined up across the front lawn. More barrels were sticking out of every single window, fuses sparkling.

“Definitely too much,” muttered Ginny.

“Not a problem,” Luna decided. With a quick tug on her shirt ties, her entire outfit fell to the ground – every last item: shoes, trousers, knickers, bra...

Harry didn’t know if that or that Luna was now in a skin tight, black outfit was more surprising. She reached backwards and pulled a hood over her face, revealing two swords strapped across her back.

In three steps, Luna disappeared from sight. Harry and Ginny each set shimmering spells around themselves. Soon after, every cannon in the house fired simultaneously with a thunderous BANG! Cannonballs ricocheted off their shields.

In the ensuing silence, a single shout could be heard.

“LUNA!!!”

Followed by a cheery, “Happy Birthday!”


	7. Luna’s Sixth (The Pyratical), Opus 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated: G
> 
> After last year’s destruction, Luna tries to do something nice, less messy...

Cacophony. That was the only possible description. It was the most horrendous compilation of sounds to ever be compiled.

In the living room was a full ‘brass’ orchestra with every instrument a different size of ram’s or kudu’s horn, and a percussion section of firing cannons. The conductor, her blond hair falling over her finest leathers, was swinging a foil as a baton (in no discernible pattern.)

“‘Just a song,’ you said. ‘Simple,’” accused Ginny, across her husband, to their occasional, other lover.

Hermione shook her head in apology as the discordant clamor continued its vague semblance of ‘Happy Birthday.’


	8. Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated: G
> 
> Never let Luna choose the movie, or... maybe you do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if anyone even reads this comm anymore, but I figured I’d leave this here, yet another nod to our favorite holibirthday

“I need to apologize,” said Harry. “We let her at the movie collection last night.”

He barely cleared the door when Luna came barreling through, waving her rapier around.

“You killed my father, prepare to die!”

“Really?” asked Hermione. “Inigo?”

“Westley and Buttercup were already taken,” she said, nodding towards her partners. “And, I already had the sword!”

“Well, Pans won’t be bored,” said Hermione.

They all trooped into the kitchen. Pansy was currently turning what appeared to be an unusually large rodent on a spit over some flames. She was also wearing a six-fingered glove.

“Oh, no,” muttered Ginny.


End file.
